Question: I am 14 years old. My mom went to jail 4 years ago because she was an illegal immigrant and didn't even know it. I was sent to be raised by my grandmother and my "dad." I'm so depressed here; I used to be suicidal because I just couldn't take it anymore. A teacher at my local school had sent me to the school counselor (I think that's what they are called.) She helped, but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to hang on much longer. My "dad" is a very huge drug abuser. Sometimes when he gets messed up enough, he'll hit me and cuss at me. My grandmother doesn't do a thing about it-she hasn't cared about anything or anyone since my grandpa died. She hardly ever lets me go to other family members' houses, and when dad hits me and stuff she unplugs the phone so I can't call for help.

Please, I need help!! I need to get out of this place before I kill myself. I need to go live with my other grandma. She despises drugs and she loves me. I can't take this anymore! I'm 14, and I've heard that at this age you can legally tell the court where you want to live. Is this true? I want to leave, I want to stay with my other grandma, but I'm afraid. If these people find out, they'll never let me use the phone or come on the computer or anything ever again!!!

Sis Wenger: We suggest that you go back to the school counselor who helped you once before, or another adult at school that you trust. This way you can get directed to the kind of help you need and have a constant source of support there at school. It's important that you be honest with the counselor and that you persist until you get the support you need. Perhaps your school has a student assistance program where you can participate in groups with other students living in similar situations, or your counselor can help you find similar groups. If you belong to a youth group in a faith community, the group leader also may be a supportive adult you can trust.

Question: Why, after I had recovery, do I want to keep using drugs and why, even if I try, can't I stop? I do it less but it also is bad; maybe I'm more conscientious about the use but I'm still a drug person.

Sis Wenger: Addiction is a disease that is often hard to recover from, but recovery can't be done alone. You need the support of people who understand this disease and who can guide you to a path of long-term recovery. Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous both have free self-help meetings every day in most communities. We suggest you go back to those people and support systems that helped you achieve recovery in the first place. They can help you. And don't stop trying. A relapse is not failure, but it is an opportunity to deepen your awareness and commitment to recovery. Good luck.

Question: If someone is having withdrawals from a crystal meth addiction (snorting, smoking, injecting), what advice would you give them to help the withdrawals?

Sis Wenger: We suggest that such a person seek medical help for the withdrawals and for the addiction.

Question: When do you actually recover?

Sis Wenger: Recovery is a process that often takes years, with each step of the way increasing the fullness of recovery for the addicted person and their family. Many successful recovering alcoholics, addicts, and family members suggest this is a 1-day-at-a-time process that they embrace. In the early stages of recovery, there is often considerable attention paid to taking the steps necessary to stay clean and sober and to work a recovery program. Once this is achieved, recovering people find a balance between maintaining and growing in their recovery and the rest of their lives.

Question: My husband just came home from a 30-day treatment program for alcohol abuse. He wrote a program to follow once he left the program, but what else can he or I do to continue the work of recovery? Secondly, our daughter is 3.5 years old. What can I do to help her understand her father's, and now our family's, issues with the addiction, behavior, and additional issues that have come with the addict? She looks at me when her father become angry or agitated, even in recovery, and tells me how her father is being rude or having a tough time. How else can I explain to her what is going on, and what do I need to do to lessen the impact? She wants to see her Dad, and he wants to be with her. Do I finally seek a divorce and try to end her exposure to his values, morals, anger, agitation, and lack of thought and concern? Thank you for your response and consideration.

Sis Wenger: Research suggests that one way to lessen the impact of family addiction on a child is through the heath and wellness of the non-addicted parent. What are you doing to take care of yourself and to handle the stress in your family as your husband struggles to recover from his disease? Al-Anon is the most effective and affordable resource for persons with a family member suffering from the disease of alcoholism. There are meetings in every community and frequently throughout the week. We strongly encourage you to become involved in this program and stay with it. Visit the Web site (www.al-anon.org) or call 1-888-425-2666 to find a meeting near you, or look in the phone book for the local number to learn where meetings are held.

For your child, you can visit the Kids Area of the NACoA Web site-www.nacoa.org. There is much you can do to serve as a buffer for your child. NACoA also has a Kit for Parents that also might be helpful.

Question: I've been sober for about a year. I am a music major in college and am required to do a great deal of performing. I have extreme performance anxiety. For years I have been taking Xanax (as prescribed) and had no problem with abusing them. Is it okay, now that I am in recovery, to continue to take them for performance situations only?

Sis Wenger: This is an issue you need to address with your physician. You may want to be assured that your physician understands addiction and prescribes accordingly to suit your situation and needs. Hopefully, as you continue to perform and continue to progress in your recovery, the anxiety will be less extreme.

Question: Hello, I am a Master's-level clinician working with ACOA's, many who have experienced multiple traumas such as exposure to domestic violence, emotional and sexual incest, physical abuse, etc. Sometimes it seems difficult to know where to start. While I do treatment plans from the client's needs, wants, and strengths, I also feel with a little success other things will fall into place. Where would be a good starting point to address multiple issues? Thanks so much; I look forward to the Webcast.

Sis Wenger: These clients have in common that they have suffered from chronic loss and grief-you may want to start there. Please consider looking for books written by these authors: Stephanie Brown, Ph.D.; Claudia Black, Ph.D.; Patricia O'Gorman, Ph.D.; Tian Dayton, Ph.D.; Jane Middleton-Moz. All have addressed the issues you describe in your question.

The Federal Center for Substance Abuse Treatment in the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration published a booklet in its Treatment Improvement Protocol series for clinicians-TIP 36-addressing childhood trauma from physical or sexual abuse getting in the way of continuing recovery and of the importance of addressing the multiple trauma issues in a timely fashion. You may find some helpful advice in this publication, which can be obtained from SAMHSA's National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information. (1-800-729-6686).